yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
