It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
