so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
