I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
