matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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