Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Duck Duck Cougar?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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