Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
