And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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