I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
