If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
