My nipple is on Facebook.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
