I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
