He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
