return my video game
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
