This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
