I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
