sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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