Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just invented taco cereal.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
