By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
