Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
