why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
