I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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