Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
