a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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