awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
