piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
