Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
