look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
