There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
