We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
