he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
