My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
