We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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