saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
