mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
