think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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