Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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