final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
