...so i touched it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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