your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I came so hard my ears popped.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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