its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
