Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
