so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
