Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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