Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
