Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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