CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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