can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
