Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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