dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
