college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
